A note to my younger Self - What I Wish I knew

Updated: Jun 2, 2020

Dear Younger Self,

First of all, I would like to congratulate you for being among the 11% of the world population of natural brunettes. It is a privilege to have such a feature, even if it does take up good portion of the world. So yay for being average!

More than likely you probably already have noticed that most of the world, even the kids you go to school with; may possess the feature of having dark hair. This may cause you to feel like you blend in…. a little too much. This may also lead you to dislike your hair color because as you find that things that are rare are valued more by society in general, it may cause you to devalue yourself. You’ll see this in the media, even in real time. And when you are constantly fed this idea that you are not as valued as others who have rare traits. Your self-esteem may spiral down a bit. You may be subject to criticism for being too average by being called ‘Jealous’ or ‘inferior’, or even overlooked and ignored. But when you learn to overcome some of these irrational thoughts and insecurities, it will become the least of your worries when you grow up into maturity.


You may feel like you are not the center of attention with adults, and it may be true. You may notice that little red-head girl profusely being complimented for her hair color, or that curly blonde who gets all of the attention in the family. This may produce some irrational thoughts in your mind concerning your self worth. That is just the beginning of the struggle before adolescence, as the criticism you get from your peers gets worse with age. Could it get any worse? Things will get better as time passes, believe me.

The roaring teenage years

As a teenager, this became more crucial to me as I found it to be very tough to find anyone that was attracted to me. Getting a date was like pulling teeth. But I was fit, I had a pretty face. I even had those rare Amber eyes. So why was it so hard for me to find anyone who would remotely notice me? That took a tole on me emotionally as I felt I didn’t reflect society’s beauty ideal, at least not as much as those who stood out among the rest.

No matter how hard you try to stand out, you will always feel like you blend in too much. That feeling never really goes away completely, nor does the criticism. But that’s ok, as long as you know where the source of yourself worth comes from, it won’t matter what the world's beauty standard is.

Trust me when I say this: your worth does not come from how others value you. It comes from a much higher source. It comes from the creator.

You may feel like it’s your hair color that repels some people. But when you learn how the world operates, you will also learn that the world constantly pesters those who look extraordinary. Your hair may not be the factor that will attract a future companion and/or help you keep one, but it will be the factor that will help weed out those superficial people who would only be attracted to you if your hair was light and bright colored. That way you will only attract the very best of people that will be solely interested in who you are.

Confidence isn't: They will like me. Confidence is: I will be fine if they don't.

Learn to appreciate what you’ve been given, take good care of your hair and treat it like a rare gift, other people will eventually notice you and begin to appreciate it. Take the time to learn how the opposite sex thinks about what is or what is not attractive. Learning about what will compliment you and your beauty type.

Just because brown hair isn't rare, doesn’t mean there is no beauty in it. Remember that.

This will be a part of learning to accept your hair and eventually learning to love it. Learning how to be confident is a part of success, especially when finding a companion who will truly love you.

Now to adulthood

If you properly care for your health and your hair and your body, you will receive compliments for your beauty, and will continue to throughout life. It doesn't matter what hair color you have. If you're hot, you're hot. When you take care of yourself, people will notice, you will soar with confidence, and you will have the opportunity to win that special someone you’ve been waiting for.

This will be the moment when you realize that your hair color isn’t necessarily the factor that will help you find a mate and keep one, but caring for your body, confidence, and a love for your given traits will.

Understand that you can be beautiful and confident no matter what hair color you were born with, and win a wonderful companion. In doing this, your lifelong experience of self doubt will vanish and be replaced with an appreciation for what you have been given.

After I have come to this realization, I began to care for myself like never before and have gained more self respect than I had in the past. As a result, I have been able to win myself a companion who truly loves me for life. You will, in time; if you learn these principles.


Growing up we are taught that we were not as valued as others because we don’t possess those rare features that are so praised by society. Don’t listen to the media, nor those critics.

Success comes from knowing where your value comes from, not what society says that it comes from. If you value yourself, others will too.

If you are among the 11% of natural brunettes, treat it like a rare gift. Make others wonder why you love your given traits so much. Hold your head up and rock your natural beauty with confidence. Value it as if it were the most precious and coveted hair in the world. Make others will wonder why. As long as you know your worth, others will notice you and how beautiful you are, too.

In light of this, perhaps we brunettes should realize that we are not as overlooked as we think we are.

Love your hair, because it is truly a gift just as any other.

Often times, the world both directly or indirectly tells us that we shouldn't be happy with ourselves because we don't fit into certain beauty standards. 'No Scars To Your Beautiful' is a reminder that beauty isn't just one look, size, shape, or color. It isn't always tangible. It comes in an endless amount of forms and we need to recognize that.

Sincerely yours,

The older brunette.

You don't have to change a thing, the world can change its heart.


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