Twelve Ways To Respond When People Criticize You For Having Brown Hair

Updated: Oct 16, 2019

We brunettes may outnumber our recessive counterparts, but our brown locks also reflect light in a way no other hair color does, which is why brunettes typically boast glossier, shinier strands. Keep brown hair looking its best by giving it an occasional apple cider vinegar boost: simply mix 3/4 cups of apple cider vinegar with 1/4 cup of water and an optional drop or two of lavender oil. Apply the mixture to clean hair and allow it to work its magic--no rinsing necessary.

So, why would people even criticize you for having this kind of luxury in your hair? The funny thing is that the only people who have ever told me my hair was ugly or too common were people who didn’t have it. Funny how that is. In spite of that, you can’t help but get some irrational thoughts. Here are ten ways you can counter some of these arguments.

If Someone Says: "Welcome to jealousy. I’ve personally have a thing for red-heads/blondes."

Quite a few people have told me I don’t have that special kind of beauty that many people wish they had, and that I should be jealous of those who they deemed to look better than me. But we have to remember, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Response: “Whether or not you have blonde/red hair is completely unconnected with whether you "look good."
Those who bring up the subject of 'jealousy' are usually the ones who are.

True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. If you know that you're great, you have no need to hate. Yes, rare beauty is often more noticeable by men and more coveted by women: hence the engagement. But to be adamant to say that this and only this is what defines beauty is narrow and a bit conceited. Don’t get me wrong, I don't have any problem with people taking pride in who they are and love their traits. Furthermore, whether or not you have blonde hair is completely unconnected with whether you "look good." Fun fact: I got catcalled a lot (gasp!) when I properly care for my physical appearance and my hair. Not only that, but I have also won an amazing companion that loves me for life, with my dark shiny locks.

If Someone Says: "Things that are rare are valued more."...

It’s like that conversation I overheard about the white blonde superpower, that the white blonde hair is the ultimate prize of any race. Sure it’s gorgeous. It’s absolutely gorgeous and I’m not going to lie. But do I really have to be different to be better?

Every time we turn around, we’re always getting this shoved in our faces, don’t we? Especially when we dare try to take pride in our traits. This is one of the reasons why many of us combat these negative thoughts and resort to dying our hair.

This ties into the reason why I hated my hair so much growing up. Do I really have to have rare traits to be more valued or more attractive? There are many within my ethnic group who really think this way. This is why, for so many years, I wished things could have been different for me. There is also a part of me that wants to embrace the traits I was given in spite of what is or is not valued more by the majority.

Response: "Only someone immature would think hair color has anything to do with a persons worth."

Once people grow up they don't think like that. Hair color doesn't have to do with a person's worth. The truth is, God doesn't make mistakes. So why should I feel ashamed of the way God made me? Because of what someone else thinks? Why should we judge someone’s value based on their hair color or the pressures of someone else’s beauty ideal? It’s one thing to want to experiment with other hair colors just for fun. It’s another thing to resort to dying your hair because you are told that your value comes from whether or not you possess rare traits or features. And here is when it backfires: When people begin scrutinizing you for trying to be what society considers beautiful. It wasn’t until I began to lighten my hair that I also began to receive harsh criticism for it. The moment that happens is when we begin to lose sight of all the pressure to be beautiful that we’re responding to. So if you are feeling you don’t measure up to someone else’s ideal, remember this: Different people value different things.

Point being, dark haired women don’t deserve to be devalued for simply not measuring up to society’s pressure to be rare.

If Someone Says: "Brown hair is so boring/Why don’t you get highlights or lowlights to brighten your hair?”

Because to dye your dark hair also requires heavy duty bleach. So these people are suggesting that we bleach and destroy dark shiny healthy hair for a lighter color? We dark haired gals do get this question a lot, don’t we? Some more than others. But we have to remember that there is something much more valuable about our natural beauty that bottled blonde hair or bleached hair will never come close to.

Response: "My hair doesn't need to be fixed. It's not broken."
“Hair dye? Please. I will never ruin my dark locks with a bottle of bleach.”
No, I don't need highlights. Just because you don't like my hair doesn't mean I can't.

It's ok to say 'no' to critics. Whether it be your classmates/coworkers, friends, or haters who seem to be too critical of you and your looks, because they don't think that you have the beauty ideal that suits their taste, especially after you have invested so much time into caring for yourself and have learned to appreciate what you have been given: ignore their expectations and you do you! Let someone else come along and appreciate it.

If Someone Says: " Blondes and Redheads for the win. Brunettes are too common. Nothing special."

These people need to get a passport and visit other parts of the world. We're not as common as some would say. And although brunettes may outnumber those with lighter hair shades, individuals with this mindset suggest that we believe that we should value something because it is rarer, not because it is beautiful. After all, Gentlemen prefer blondes, right? I have heard this slogan so many times. Not only is this false, but in spite of the many that have called me "boring" for having dark hair, in the end, I was the one who won that amazing companion who loves me for life. So I would personally change it to “Some gentlemen prefer blondes”. If someone is going to love you, he will love you for you, not your hair color. Aside from the people who dye their hair blonde for reasons unrelated to external pressure, if a woman feels obligated to dye her hair blonde because the media says so, or because society says so, the media and the people around her (who are pressuring her to do so) are at fault, not her.

Response: "People have different taste."
If a man is going to overlook me because of my hair, then he's doing me a favor by walking away from me.
Of course, there will always be those colorists men out there who have a problem with dark hair on white women. Not everyone will like our hair, and that's ok. We don't want those men anyway.

Of course there are always be men who prefer rarities, but don’t let these people intimidate you into dying your hair to look “more attractive”. You can rock your natural locks and still attract an amazing partner. I know this by experience. The fact is: there are actually gentlemen who prefer brunettes. So if you are feeling you don’t measure up to someone else’s ideal, remember this: Different men are attracted to different qualities.

If Someone Says: "Red hair is great. It’s rare, and therefore superior..."

In other words: “Your hair isn’t rare. Therefore, you are inferior…” Around 11% of the world population has brown hair, and around 84% of the world population has black hair. But there are only 6% that are dark-porcelains. So when it comes to celebrating our beauty type, we get that thrown in our faces a lot by other people who think they have it better than us. There's a common argument that gentleman prefer blondes and reds more because there are significantly less of them (i.e., the tendency for men to choose them over those who have common hair shades). Therefore, we should not have the right to celebrate our hair.

Fun fact: Though there are more people with brown hair than there are lighter hair colors, there is no need to feel like you blend in too much. As a matter of fact, you have an ever more reason to feel unique. Brown hair shades have an extremely large shade range. More shades of brown hair exist than shades of any other hair color.

Response: "All hair colors can be beautiful if it is properly cared for and it goes well on the women."
But more shades of brown hair exist than shades of any other hair color. I am proud of my unique hair shade.

It's OK for you, as a dark haired beauty, to take pride in your hair and celebrate it. Don’t listen to the “But…. We red-heads are rare; therefore, we are worth more”: nonsense. You are worth celebrating, too. Embrace your own beauty type, whatever that may be. Value what you have been given, and for crying out loud, value yourself! If you don’t, how can you expect everyone else to?

If Someone Says: "Brunettes are more masculine?"...

I’m not going to sugar coat this. This assumption may derive from the fact that people notice that we have dark body hair. And when it comes to hair on the arms, face, or legs it is more noticeable: brunette problems. I had lot of dark hair on my arms that people made fun of for years. I got into the habit of shaving it since I was 15. I got some of these comments from people: “Sonya, why are your arms so hairy?” or “You look like a monkey”. It was very embarrassing. If my arm hair was blonde, it would have been less noticeable in contrast to my pale skin. A few people let me know I'd might as well be a man. Wonderful!

Say: "Nothing." And just walk away and ignore their rude comments.

It’s no secret that being feminine and wanting to look more attractive also means paying an enormous amount of attention to your appearance. Who doesn’t think in that language? Your appearance is your choice, nevertheless. So if you feel self-conscious about your dark body hair, and are tired of shaving it every day, laser hair removal (for face and arms) are an option and sometimes necessary, especially if you have too much of something you’d rather not have.

If Someone asks: "Doesn't It bother you because you have dark body hair?"...

One woman was genuinely curious why I would want to embrace my dark hair, after all; there are some drawbacks because of the dark body hair issues.

Response: "Nope."

People might assume dark body hair is a disadvantage, but not always. There are also advantages such as those killer eyebrows and eyelashes that really stand out. Why do you think people of lighter complexions darken their eyelashes to make themselves look like us?

If Someone Says: "You're just jealous (because my hair color can be found in rainbows and yours can only be found in dirt)."

This 'inferiority complex' can often mask itself as a 'superiority complex'. Ladies and gents, this is an intimidation tactic. Who are they to say that the hair color you are born with is not beautiful? Friends and acquaintances have told me that my dark hair is beautiful, many of them. If you learn to play the hand that you’ve been given, and learn how to play it well, people will notice. There is no one way to respond to this. We can use humor while expressing our distaste towards their criticism for making statements like that.

Confidence: "If that's how I really felt, I would go dye my hair. In other words, there isn't anything you have that I want." 😎😎😎
Humor: "You're just jealous because my hair color can be found in chocolate, and yours can only be found in carrots." 😂😂😂
Response to female criticism: "Come on, Seriously? Get off your high horses. Ya’ll aren’t the only ones men are attracted to. You think every brunette woman out there is not married? Open your eyes please." 😤😤😤
Response to male criticism: "There are men out there who actually prefer brunettes. Did you know that? Let's stop pretending that guys like this don't exist." 🤔🤔🤔

They want to rub it in your face, throw it back at them. Throwing a similar statement at them will help them realize what they are doing. Expressing your distaste towards their statement with style will give you more confidence while stating some truths. However, giving into their criticism by not keeping your natural look and trying hard to be something that you are not to appease these people can backfire. It perpetuates the idea that you are not confident with your dark hair or pale skin and perpetuating the idea that it is a bad thing. If you accept yourself as you are, and learn to love yourself and your traits, gain some confidence, you will attract the right people in your life who will love you. The older I get, the more I realize that its less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. Not everyone will like your hair. It's their problem, not yours. And that's ok. It's not your job to appease these people.

To see more great comebacks to this one, read: Brown hair, the most underrated hair color.

If Someone Says: "Brunettes are overrated…"

Well, I guess over half of your race is overrated. Ladies and Gentlemen, how narrow-minded can YOU be today? I usually get this one from men who prefer different hair types on women. Sometimes from women who are extremely narcissistic, or probably jealous. Jealous? Of my dark hair? Yes, ma’am. These people are out there.

Response: "Then Why isn’t every brunette out there not married?"
Well, I guess over half of your race is overrated.

Since most of the people disparaging my brown hair were other females who do not have what I have. If they truly took pride in their own looks, why would they see the need to attack other people who look different than them? If there were something inherently disgusting about my hair, we'd be disgusted by most of our race. Comments such as "Your hair is ugly" or "you should get highlights" or "But we are rare. Brunettes are too common" also conveys that they are not satisfied with themselves (unless they are just a kid telling the truth). So if my hair bothers someone, then that someone really needs to re-evaluate his or herself. Showing people that you can, in fact, keep your natural look and still be desirable to someone may either help other women feel OK with their natural hair, or make others envious of you.

If Someone Says: "I prefer to date blondes..."

This comment usually comes from men. In this case, they're typically defending their right to only date women who have rare traits without being called a 'racist' or 'colorist'. One man said he'd only want to date someone who has blonde hair, which can sometimes get under the skin of people who don’t love who they are.

Response: "I Have the right not to date you, either."

Or, in my case: “I prefer to date blondes, too,” (since my husband is blonde). When attracting that special someone one day, your dark features may help weed out those extremely biased men who would overlook you. And that’s all well and good. We don’t want those men anyway. Yes, we all have the right to our preferences. Someone can simultaneously behave according to their preferences and acknowledge that they have a bias. It’s true, they don't have to date anyone outside their preferences, and that also applies to you. And they owe you no explanation for it, just like you owe them no explanation as to why you don’t want to date them either. While it's true that our taste isn't entirely within our control, there does seem to be a correlation between someone who is open-minded and how willing they are to make an exception and a brunette they may come across that may be exceptionally attractive. Your hair isn’t the only factor that makes you attractive. On the other hand, your natural look could also be what either weeds out extremely biased people or attracts those who are more interested in what you have to offer. And that's yet another reason to embrace your natural dark hair

If Someone says: Dark hair makes you look older.

Mainly people say this either because blonde hair is seen to be a sign of youth, or because they think that blonde hair somehow magically makes your wrinkles disappear. And since many who are born with blonde hair turn darker overtime, they may make this statement. I've even heard brunettes who dye their hair make statements like this about themselves. I've also read article dissing dark hair on women, saying that it outlines your wrinkles. It's petty cringey.

It's all in how you care for yourself, not the color of your hair.

Lets be real about this. Dying your hair a lighter hair color doesn't automatically make you look like you're 10-years-younger. I've seen blondes who look as old as my Grandmother (no insult to her since she is in her 70s). This whole idea that a darker hair color makes you look older is a complete farce. It's all in how you care for yourself, not the color of your hair. It also has to do with age. So get a grip or move on down the road, critics!

If someone says: But our our red/blonde hair is 1-3% of the population

The most common statement you'll hear. Just remember, we aren't as common as they say, just because we have a dark feature or two. Here is the die hard truth, ladies and gents. Dark porcelains make up less than 6% of the world's population at large. Of course, we may outnumber redhead and blonde white women. But when comparing to world population, which includes non-whites, of course blondes and reds make up a small 1 to 3% in comparison to the entire world's population because other races are almost never born with aka yellow hair or red vibes. So I think this is an unfair comparison and should never be used to determine anyone's value or worth. We have to realize that we are not as common as we think we are just because we may have a dark feature or two. WE ARE A WORLD MINORITY people!

Response: Brunettes make up 11% of the global population if you also including non-white groups. Dark haired Caucasians make up around 6% of that .
Brunettes are the 11% because you can never have too much of a good thing.

It's so much more than hair color, folks. There are other characteristics that set light skinned dark haired beauties apart from others. But why can't they see that? Maybe it's because they can't fathom a woman with both dark and light features putting her beauty on top. They have it so ingrained within them to believe that they are the only ones who have the right to be celebrated! They've had the superiority complex instilled in them for so long that they feel ENTITLED! They love to remind us of where we're placed in society. It’s true, they want to keep their "spot". This is why you need to flaunt your natural beauty unapologetically and unashamedly. Create your own beauty standard and KEEP your dark and light features at the forefront! Wear them with pride!

It's all about the brunette! 🙌 #classy #darkfeatures #nohate #LightSkin #lovebrowneyes #LoveBlueEyes #LoveGreenEyes #AmberEyes #brunettes #DarkAndLovelyLocks 👸🏻😍👌

Also read: Why Brunettes are the Absolute Greatest

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At Brunette Beauty® we celebrate European beauty in the Brunette division. We encourage traditional values, confidence and for brunette and bronze beauties to rock their natural look with confidence. We are proud of our hair and our heritage! 

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